segunda-feira, 23 de novembro de 2009

on the edge of the knife...

It took me 2 days to get my heart out, cry a river and try to overcome the result of my visit to the doctor on Saturday!... To be honest i think i haven't overcomed it yet!!!; but this weekend was reflection weekend!...
Since i remember me as myself that i have this urge about life, this feeling that life is way far too short, that time goes by too fast, that i should live and fulfill my dreams as fast as i could. In fact never understood how some people can go through life taking it as it comes not feeling the urgency that i always had inside of me, even as a small child!
Ok! Following THE Nature's laws i wasn't meant to be here! I knocked on heavens' doors several times, as a baby and small child! I was meant to die when i was about 1 year and a half!! So somehow someway, deep inside of me, after that always took life as extra time! Don't really know if i was able to explain myself!, but do you know what i mean?!
At the age of 25 i was there again!!, trying to meet St Peter and all the angels!... Hopefully escaped! Since then that urgency on living grew bigger and stronger!
NOW?! I'm running for time! I'm walking the stairs of heaven again!!! Ok! It's great because it reminds me how precious life is!, how lucky i'm too be alive, to enjoy my loved ones better and in a sweeter way!... but now i have 2 children and it's not funny anymore! I have the right to see them grow a little bit more, ain't i?!...

To make a long story short! - I already knew i needed surgery (nothing new!!)! I went to the doctor! And now i have a kind of a ballon (that's the only way i can explain it) inside my face, "eating" my bones (specially under my left eye and my left forehead), and growing in size! I can loose my left eye and go blind (1st bad news), but that ballon (i learnt that ballons are fun only on parties!) can literally explode bringing a huge amount of problems. Cutting it the hard way! -- my meeting with God all Mighty is set on sooner than i would like!! So... i'm just trying to get that surgery as soon as i can and hope i'll go under the knife in 2 to 3 weeks (maybe sooner - it depends ironically on how healthy i am!)

Anyway... life goes on! and this photo is a detail on my christmas decor! Have to get my mind into something! Promisse to show you some more on future posts!

Enjoy life and be healthy! Life is now! This moment! Drink it as if it was the first time! don't take it for granted!
Have a great new week!

14 comentários:

Magdalena disse...

...te mando toda mi fuerza,todo el cariño que tengo.Todo se va a ordenar, vas a ver! Quedate tranquila que los angeles estan con nosotros, y nos cuidan.Cada nuestro momento aqui es tan valioso...muchas veces no pensamos en reflexionamos...Gracias por tu pensamientos, me hizo otra vez acordarme para que estamos aqui.
Te mando mucha energia...piensa positivamente, todo va a estar bien.Aqui estoy para apoyarte, acuerdate.
Abrazo fuerte,
Magdalena/Color Sepia

Rostrose disse...

Oh my god, Rosa - your news (and what you told about nearly dying in your childhood and as a young woman) are some kind of shocking me! I am not able to express all my feelings, but I'll try to finde a few words... Some time ago you told us about a chronical desease and problems with your eyes, but I didn't know that your problems are THAT hard! I agree that it is not the right time for "knocking on heavens door" as a young woman and mother of young children! So please fight as strong as you can. You won your fights in the past and you will win in the future! Your friends (also your friends from Bloggetonia) and your family will be with you, when your operation-day has come! And please inform us as soon as possible how it went! I keep my fingers crossed! Lots of hugs, Traude

bakom berget disse...

Kära blogfriend! Jag Önskar er all den kraft du Behöver för Att Få frisk snart.
Stor kram till dig från mig! Åsa.

lia disse...

Dear Rosa, Your news is shocking. I dont know what to say. I'll hope you will find a way to fight as strong as you can.
I keep also my fingers crossed.

Lots of hugs from Holland.

Bonnie disse...

Oh Rosa,
This is scary news! I am sending all my prayers to you! I hope you will stay well so you can get the surgery if that is indeed the best option. Please hang in there! I will think positive thoughts your way. You will get well and live a long long long life.
Big hugs, Bonnie

ale disse...

querida rosa maría!!you are strong!you will pass this as you pass the other times!!!all my heart and my energy and good thoughts are with very important your positive mind!!the power of our soul and mind is much powerfull than the ilness!!!trust!!!and dont cry...we are thinking on you!!!!un beso y un abrazo fuerte ,fuerte ,fuertísimo!!!!!!!!!!!

Peonies & Magnolias disse...

You are in my thoughts and prayers daily.


Златина disse...

Dear Rosa, I do not speak good English language, but I want to tell you - Be strong! I pray for you! Hugs!

Cottage Garden disse...

Dearest Rosa Maria
I am so sorry to hear this bad news about your health. Your story has brought tears to my eyes. But you are strong and you have your faith - you will get through this; stay positive. My thoughts will be with you every day and I hope you get the surgery you need soon. "Seize the day"...

Jeanne xxxx

Les Cotrions disse...

Hello dear Rosa! What I read is shocking! I didn't know your story and your health problems! I only can say that you're a strong and positive girl and that I believe that the phsicological approach is very important to overcome illness! I wish you all the best Rosa! I'm optimistic and I truly believe that you'll have the possibility to see your children growing!
Big hugs and take care!

jade disse...

Oh Rosa,
your words make my eyes full of tears and i can´t believe, what i read!!!!! I send you all my love and all good thoughts and i´m shure you will be strong and everything will be good for you!!!!! I pray for you and you are always on my mind!!!!!

Big Hugs, Jade

envilsenloppa disse...

All my prayers and thoughts are for you and all my strenght is yours ! /Lotta

"Hope" is the thing with feathers --
That perches in the soul --
And sings the tune without the words --
And never stops -- at all -- "

Magoda disse...

Rosa! I will prayed for you! Always be good - believe me!

Jacqueline disse...

Dear Rosa,
I am so sorry to hear your news. You and your family must be going through a terrible time. You are such a positive person and, with that and the medical help behind you, you will come through this.
I am sending you all my love and I am thinking of you. Take care of yourself, dear Rosa. XXXX